Mom, friends, educators, students: We dont have to assign papers, and we should stop. We need to admit that the required-course college essay is a failure. The baccalaureate is the new high-school diploma : abjectly necessary for any decent job in the cosmos. As such, students (and their parents) view college as professional training, an unpleasant necessity en route to that all-important piece of paper.Todays vocationally minded students view World Lit 101 as forced labor, an utter waste of their time that deserves neither engagement nor effort. So you know what else is a waste of time? Grading these students effing papers.Its time to declare unconditional defeat. Most students enter college barely able to string three sentences togetherand they let me write an essay leave it that way, too.With protracted effort and a rhapsodically engaged instructor, some may learn to craft a clunky but competent essay somewhere along the way. My fellow humanists insist valiantly that (among other more elevated reasons) writing humanities papers leads to the crafting of sharp argumentative skills, and thus a lifetime of success in a number of fields in which we have no relevant experience. But my friends who actually work in such fields assure me that most of their colleagues are borderline-illiterate. After all, Mark Zuckerbergs pre-Facebook Friendster profile bragged i dont read ( sic and look at him.
Whats more, if your average college-goer does manage to read through her professors comments, she will likely view them as a grievous insult to her entire person, abject proof of how this cruel, unfeeling instructor hates her. That sliver of the student population that actually reads comments and wants to discuss them? Theyre kids whose papers are good to begin with, and often obsessed with their GPAs.I guarantee you that every professor you know has given an A to a B paper just to keep a grade-grubber off her junk. (Not talking to you, current students! Youre all magnificent, and going to be president someday.Please do not email.). When I was growing up, my motherwho, like me, was a contingent professorwould sequester herself writing assignment for veterans day for days to grade, emerging online homework for a 1st grader Medusa-haired and demanding of sympathy.But the older I got, the more that sympathy dissipated: If you hate grading papers so much, Id say, theres an easy solution for that. My mother, not to be trifled with when righteously indignant (that favored state of the professoriate would snap: Its an English class. I cant not assign papers.
Oh, attitudes about cultures have changed over time? Im so glad you let me know. Nobody hates writing papers as much as college instructors hate grading writing a research paper uk papers (and no, having a robot do it is not the answer). Students of the world: You think it wastes 45 minutes of your sexting time to pluck out three"s from.The Sun Also Rises, summarize the same four plot points 50 times until you hit Page 5, and then crap out a two-sentence conclusion? It wastes 15 hours of my time to mark up my students flaccid theses and non sequitur textual evidence, not to mention abuse of the comma that should be punishable by some sort of lawall so that you can take a cursory glance at the.
Everybody in college hates papers. Students hate writing them so much that they buy, borrow, or steal them instead. Plagiarism is now so commonplace that if we flunked every kid who did it, wed have a writing a college essay mla format worse attrition rate than a mooc.And on those rare occasions undergrads do deign to compose their own essays, said exegetic masterpieces usually take them all of half an hour at.m. To write, and consist accordingly of arguments that are at best tangentially related to the coursework, font-manipulated to meet the minimum required page-count.